A Loud and a Merc
by Gas Mask Jack
Summary: Now chances are you all know how this goes No Such Luck happens Lincoln stays kicked out ect. ect. But the difference to this one is a certain Merc With the Mouth get in the middle of it and decides to take Lincoln in. Hi-jinks, explosions, perversion, and violence ensue. oh yeah the fourth wall shall be decimated.


Deadpool

 **AN: Hope you enjoy**

It was another Monday morning in Royal Woods with chilly morning air breezing through the quiet town. Now some would think that the quiet would be a good thing but that's probably because they never been to Royal Woods before. Normally it would be a certain house that would be the source of loud noise that everyone knew and somewhat loved but it was as quiet as a dead church. It seemed that the family of thirteen that usually is behind the chaos of this town had a death in the family, but that was not the case.

 **"BORING, seriously is this how every one of these damn stories start?"**

What? Who said that?

 **"Because if it is then I got say people are lacking in creativity. I mean c'mon Jackie you can do better I've read some of your other stuff and they fall flat at the beginning so if you're gonna make a story about me and MY life you gotta kick it up a notch."**

Wha! DEADPOOL!? What are you doing you're the ruining the introduction to the story!

 **"No I'm not, I'm making it better besides everyone knows that stuff with me in it is a hundred times better! Also who cares about the Loud family this story isn't about them this is about me and my loving wife adopting little Linc."**

Dammit Wade! you basically just spoiled the whole plot!

 **"Oh come on like the description didn't say it already I mean seriously most of the descriptions on this site tell you half of the damn story without the reader actually clicking on it!"**

I should've listened to the other writers when they said having you involved was a mistake.

 **"WHAT!? Who told you that?"**

If you don't calm down I'll click on that delete button and you can forget about the story you begged for.

 **"*GASP* You wouldn't dare!"**

Oh! I will so you better calm the hell down.

 **"FINE but could you center the story mostly on ME and My family because let's face it Linc's family isn't exactly the best and I don't like them."**

No, they are an important part of the story just as you and Lincoln are.

 **"Oh barf, well can I least- "**

No

" **Okay can then I pick were this story starts?"**

If it's a reasonable spot

 **"Sweet, okay let's see here, ooohhh how about this part?"**

Hmmmn I don't see why not, but remember I'm watching you so don't screw up

" **Awesome!"**

* * *

Lincoln Loud walked down one of the many alleyways of Royal Woods hoping to both find a place to sleep tonight and some food. It had been a few days since the whole 'bad luck' event and honestly the fact that the lie had got out of hand this bad mad Lincoln both pissed and a bit depressed. Depressed because his family just kicked him out because of a stupid lie and pissed because they stupid enough to believe said lie. Like seriously how fucking dumb do you have to be to believe that a kid is bad luck that's like saying it's good to drop kick your kid right in the nuts for looking at you wrong. Lincoln eventually came out of the ally and across the street was a small Mexican restaurant that was open. If Lincoln was lucky he could pull another dine and dash but that would mean he would be in even more shit than he already was. Lincoln's common sense was interrupted by his stomach growling at the prospect of food he couldn't hold it up any longer he needed to eat.

He quickly made his across the street and stood in front of the sign which had the name in big red letters with a picture of a women in a red dress holding a taco behind them. "'Samantha's Tacos' looks as good as any other place to get food" Lincoln walked in the restaurant and saw that the interior looked to be that of a fast food joint only a lot cleaner than other places he's been in before. He walked over to place an order at the front counter but stopped as he saw an odd dressed man argue with one of the staff. The man was dressed in what Lincoln could describe as a ninja outfit with the only colors being red and black. The man also looked to be wearing a weird belt that had many pockets as well as bullet slots.

" **I'm telling you I WANT A REFUND you don't just serve me a cold as donkey shit chimichanga and expect me to enjoy it. That's like telling me to go out, look for the fattest fuck I can, and try to lick their big hairy ASS!"**

"And I'm telling you sir, that we would heat it up for you but you need to be patient- "

" **NO, I am offended that you would DARE serve that crud to me. HOW DARE YOU SIR!"** Lincoln watched as the red man pulled off one of his gloves and smacked the employee with it. Lincoln was having a hard time deciding whether to be shocked or on the floor laughing his ass off. Lincoln shook his head as walked over and waited next to red man as he put his glove back on his hand Lincoln was really hoping that the man didn't notice him because if what he saw was anything to go by this man is probably insane. Unfortunately, as if someone wanted to ignore his prayers, the red man eventually noticed him.

" **Well hey there Snow White here to get some food? Don't bother this place has been having its service taking a dive bomb. It's like they don't give a damn about the customer anymore I mean I've bought food from here for a while and believe you me the food here is not what it used to be it's so bad that not even a dying homeless person would eat it. I still can't believe that they paid me to advertise it in MY video game makes me regret signing up with Highmoon studios but it was better than EA or Activision if I signed up with those asshats they would've put loot crates in my game."** The man stopped and looked at Lincoln'sattire with a raised brow. When Lincoln ran away he only had the clothes on his back which needless to say have been torn and stained in a lot of ways. Not only that but Lincoln's B.O. had really reached its peak so much so that it was noticed by the red man. **"*ACK* Damn kid you smell like you came out of Miley Cyrus' fishy canal! when was the last time you took a bath or a shower?"** the man asked while pinching his nose. Lincoln was going to just ignore him before his stomach gave another loud growl. While he may possibly not like the food it was better than nothing, that and he still needed to find a place to sleep for tonight.

Before any more nonsense could happen, the store manager came out from the back and he looked pissed. "Listen here you hooligan I will not tolerate you being rude to my employees so you can get your ass outta here-" he stopped when the red man pulled out a pistol and aimed it right at his fore head.

 **"Okay seeing how playing nice didn't work out so well allow me state this in the nicest way possible you will get me my refund and you will also give Snow White here some free food got it?"** The manager quickly nodded before running back into the kitchen to get the food. Lincoln meanwhile just gave the man a look of shock and confusion why was he getting him food? Why did he have gun? Where did the gun come from? Those were some of the questions going on in his head. A couple of minutes later the manager came back with some money, a large bag, and a drink.

"H-here you go s-sir, will that be a-all?"

 **"Yes, this will be just fine now don't pull this shit again or else your restrooms are gonna be filled with more than your customers diarrhea"** the red man began to walk out while grabbing Lincoln's arm. **"Alright Snow White lets go."**

The duo walked out of the restaurant and proceeded towards a red and black jeep. When they got to the vehicle the man unlocked the car, pulled out two folding chairs and unfolded them. Lincoln just looked confused what this man was doing until the man spoke again. **"Sit down and eat kiddo by the looks of things you must be hungry and the fact that you stink and have shitty clothes prove that either you went to party with your friend and got some action or your homeless if it's the second one sorry for the comment earlier."** Lincoln was a bit hesitant and with good reason if a man you just met offered you food just out of the blue chances are he would have an ulterior motive however, Lincoln's need to eat won him over he went over and sat next to the strange man once he sat down the man handed him the bag and drink. The minute Lincoln opened the bag he began to devour one of the many tacos that were inside then another, and another, and another until eventually there were no more tacos left. Lincoln then moved on to the drink and gulped it down within four to five sips by the time he was done he was full and let out a huge belch that echoed around the parking lot.

Lincoln heard clapping beside him and turned to see it was the red man who pulled sign out of nowhere saying 9.1 like those judges at Lola's pageants. Lincoln shook his head before asking the man a question that had been nagging at him.

"Why?"

 **"Why the sign? Well you see I do a lot of impersonation jobs for- "**

"No, I mean why did you help me? Why did you get me food not even knowing anything about me?"

 **"Well duh it was obvious that you were hungry and besides you didn't have any money on you so unless you were planning on doing some 'under the counter favors' it was safe to assume you weren't getting jack shit."** Lincoln's eyes widened how did this guy know he had no money? **"Simple, when you work the same kinda jobs I do you know when someone has money and when they don't"** the man stated in matter of fact tone. Again, Lincoln was surprised, how did this guy know what he was thinking? While he couldn't complain about the free food and drink this guy was probably the weirdest person he had ever met.

 **"So, care to tell me why an eleven-year-old is out here all alone where any creep could come by, snatch you up, and sell you on the deep web? Don't your parents know where you are?"** While the question could've been phrased better Lincoln could only feel mad and sad about the past event. Lincoln simply looked down while it all played back again and again it didn't help.

"My family kicked me out because they thought I was bad luck" small silence followed after that statement Lincoln looked up at the man only to see his masked eyes give a confused look.

 **"Are you fucking kidding me right now?"**

"Nope, it's actually a long story."

 **"Okay well, you can tell me on the way hop in"** the man got up, folded the chairs right out from under Lincoln causing him to fall on his ass, and put them away before he opened the driver side and got in. The man looked at Lincoln before asking **"Welp, you coming?"**

"Where?"

 **"To my place where there is a roof over your head and a bed under your ass that plus food and new clothes because those rags can't get you into the poor bar"** Lincoln was a bit skeptical. Sure, this guy offered a home, food, and clothing but Lincoln didn't know much about him for all he knew he was serial killer that collected people's heads. Once againthough his need to survive overlooked caution Lincoln proceeded to get in on the passenger side.

"It couldn't be any worse than my original situation" he thought bitterly, he was glad that no matter what happens at least he didn't have to deal with his family's idiocy anymore.

"Hey, what's your name?"

 **"Deadpool or Wade Wilsons the name and being the Merc with a mouth is my game. What about you Snow White?"**

"Lincoln, Lincoln Loud" he said as he held out his hand. The now named Deadpool grabbed it and shook it before pulling out of the parking and proceeded to drive away. Both left not knowing that their lives were about to change for the better.

 **AN: Oh boy Deadpool in the Loudverse not only that but he decided to take care of poor Lincoln after no such luck. So guys question should Deadpool have a shitty apartment or should a nice big house due to all the money he made from mercenary work, comics, games, moives, ect. Also can anyone guess who Deadpools wife is hmmm?**


End file.
